Saturday, November 4, 2017

D E M I S E | P A R T 1

Spring 2016

“Everything that I’ve ever done I can still relate to, and feel connected to it in a way. There’s no part of my life that I look at and go, ‘I don’t recognize that person at all.’”
― Ian Mckaye



I suddenly realized I had reached the Kentucky-Tennessee border while mindlessly driving south on the interstate. I left my house three hours prior attempting to rid myself of the responsibilities of being a husband and father. I was trying to escape reality. My life was unraveling as anxiety tore me apart. This happened many times. When life became too much, I ran from it.

I wasn’t taking my medications as prescribed and I was drinking alcohol regularly to cope with the anxiety, which negated it’s benefits and eventually led to the lowest and most terrifying point in my life. I remember Abby frequently waking me from my vegetative state during the day telling me that I was, unbeknownst to myself, talking to a wall or microwave or faucet while the water ran. My thoughts were spilling from my mind out my mouth. This occurred day and night. I didn’t sleep much. While lying in bed, my body would unexpectedly jerk, the anxiety dominating every minute of my life. I cried while whispering, “ Father, Father,” repeatedly, over and over hoping that He would somehow intervene. He didn’t. 

And, the worst was yet to come...

2 comments:

  1. I jerk at night sometimes. I’ve never heard of anyone else with the problem. I’m on lithium, Prozac, gabapentin, and trazodone. Please consider starting a Facebook page. Your words can heal

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